Heroes of Olympus: The Son of Neptun

"THE SNAKE-HAIRED LADIES WERE starting to annoy Percy.
They should have died three days ago when he dropped a crate of bowling balls on them at the Napa Bargain Mart. They should have died two days ago when he ran over them with a police car in Martinez. They definitely should have died this morning when he cut off their heads in Tilden Park."

They are beautiful, right?

Percy has a couple of problems:

1. 2 gorgons are trying to kill him and have for days
2. He is going somewhere, he is not really sure where the end destination is
3. He has amnesia

"Percy hated tests. Since he’d lost his memory, his whole life was one big fill-in-the-blank. He was ____________________, from ____________________. He felt like ____________________, and if the monsters caught him, he’d be ____________________."

He comes to a hill... and he is trapped.

Snake lady's come, they try to kill him and he jumps of the hill on a metal tray... just a normal day for a demi-god

"As he fell toward the highway, a horrible scenario flashed through his mind: his body smashing against an SUV’s windshield, some annoyed commuter trying to push him off with the wipers. Stupid sixteen-year-old kid falling from the sky! I’m late!"

He gets to the highway without dying... an incredible task by it self.

U get the idea

There he meet's "the goddess of smelly, heavy, useless hippies", it's actually Juno in disguise.
He carries her all the way to Camp Jupiter, where one of the two guards that where at the gate gets caught by a gorgon, Percy does his thing with water and saves Frank.

Old bag lady becomes Juno everybody is in awe and all, but Percy is Percy and shows no respect what so ever.

He gets taken to the principia (Roman version HQ) he talks with Reyna praetor of the Twelfth Legion Fulminata,then he gets send to the Augur... that by the way is a creep and the stuff in teddy bear nightmares.

He meet's Nico DiAngelo (... again)  at Pluto's shrine 

They talk and Percy thinks he knows him, but he isn't sure for obvious reasons.

Hazel talks with her brother "the oh so brooding" Nico, we find out she was dead for 70 years before coming back to the world of the living.

They have a initiation thing with Percy, Hazel stands up for him and he gets put in the fifth cohort

“Thanks, Hazel,” he said. “Um, what exactly does it mean—your standing for me?” 

“I guarantee your good behavior,” Hazel explained. “I teach you the rules, answer your questions, make sure you don’t disgrace the legion.” 

“And…if I do something wrong?” 

“Then I get killed along with you,” Hazel said. “Hungry? Let’s eat.” 

Then they play war game - the fifth wins - Mars shows up and claims Frank as his son - much to Franks dismay.
They get send on a quest (no wonder) to save Death... in Alaska the land beyond the gods... where Hazel died... raising an immortal giant... that can't die... Well, let's see how that goes.

The only help they get from the Romans are the "great" roman navy... one old rowboat called Pax.

They row out to no man's land cause Hazel  is having a blackout like thing - she relives her life... old life - in no man's land Hazel gets kidnapped by a grass field...????

"HAZEL WAS AN EXPERT ON WEIRD. She’d seen her mother possessed by an earth goddess. She’d created a giant out of gold. She’d destroyed an island, died, and come back from the Underworld.

But getting kidnapped by a field of grass? That was new."

She escapes by summoning a pile of schist... did i forget to mention she can summon all the riches from the earth... with the little problem that if you touch them you die.

The guys rescue her, they see the armies in their way to Camp Jupiter, Percy gets a freak out so the go to a little shop close by... they only have to fight 3 basilisks.
They reach the place it is partially owned by Iris the rainbow goddess (BTW, she is thinking about becoming a Buddhist...???). Frank gets advice from Iris slays the basilisk with his dragon tooth spear.

They go on Portland to visit Phineas a blind man that sees the future, he also gets the title of seriously mother fucking creeper.

They  find a harpy named Ella Phineas wants, but they won't give her up so the make a bet with the dude that sees the future.
They have 2 vials with gorgon blood one from each side one cures all the other gives you a painful death.

Percy makes Gaea trick Phineas into choosing the wrong vial, they get the location of where Death is kept prisoner and of they go to Seattle to Amazon territory.
They get taken prisoners, escape on a untamable horse faster then the speed of sound, they ride all the way to Franks grandmothers house, outside a large quantity of "Canadians" - Laistrygonians -  and again dragon tooth spear to the rescue.

They get to the house, Mars is there and they have a loving father-to-son talk, Frank finds out about the family "power" he can change shape...Nice!!

They fight a smaller war on top of grandmas house they escape take a plane to Alaska.

Here they take a train and get attacked by griffins and get saved by sliding under the butt of a cute blue giant.

 Well and of the go to the city where Hazel lived last before she died and yet again get attacked, but
Arion saves their asses and get them to Death prison.

Of they go up the glacier to face a immortal giant and an army of ghost... nothing can go wrong.
Well, Hazel fights the giant, Frank melts Death chains and Percy faces an army.

Frank releases Death, helps Hazel by turning into a giant bear, they take "Golden boy" to Canada where he can be killed (He is immortal in his birth place...country or something).

They kill the giant find Percy get a golden carriage and a lot of deadly gold weapons.
They go back to Camp Jupiter in a couple of hours. They get in the fight and destroy all of their
enemies.


Stars:
4.38
It is a really good book and all it just has these... moments.
The first time in the presence of Octavian, actually him in general pisses me off
Thanatos is creepy and confusing
But in general a really good boom i love the whole Hazel/Frank thing (I'm a hopeless romantic) I also love Annabeth being Percy's only memory.
The whole back from the dead and the blackouts gives the story an interesting spin.
Franks burned wood stick and the whole old roots and magic make him an extremely interesting person in the book.
Gaea waking of course makes the quest even harder and therefore more interesting.

What can you use this book for in real life:
No secret is too big to share with friends, if they are real friends they will protect the secret the best they are capable of

A real life with pain, suffering but also possibilities are better than living a lie and sheltered from the pain of the world.


Nothing is impossible the word it self says "I'm possible"  - Audrey Hepburn

Heroes of Olympus: The Lost Hero

"EVEN BEFORE HE GOT ELECTROCUTED, Jason was having a rotten day..."

That is a great start for a book

The Lost Hero is about Jason, Piper and Leo

Well, Jason wakes up in a school bus... with no memory.

Piper thinks she is his girlfriend... but it is only a trick of the mist... that seriously sucks for her.

They get attacked by a classmate that turns out to be a wind monster a venti or anemoi thuella depending on who you ask.

The evil coach turns out to be half goat... a satyr or faun again depending on who you ask.

Jason has  a magic gold coin that turns in to a magic gold sword.

And Leo falls in to the Grand Canyon...

They get picked up by Annabeth (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) that demands to know where Percy is... he is missing, if you hadn't guessed. 

They crash land in the lake and Leo gets claimed by Hephaestus (god of blacksmiths and fire)

Piper gets shown around camp by Annabeth... and that ends with Piper finding out every memory she has with Jason are fake... so of course that ends with tears... 

Leo gets shown around "cabin nine domain" and gets to know about " the cabin nine curse"... yeah they have there own curse... and a giant sycophantic metal dragon.

Piper meets Rachel (The oracle)... and that does not go so well, since Rachel is possessed by Hera  and Piper goes unconscious. And at the same time Juno (Roman version of Hera) shows herself for Jason.

“I hate to tell you this,” Jason said, “but I think your leopard just ate a goddess.”

Oh, and by the way Jason should be dead or Chiron thinks he should be dead.

They go to the camp fire Aphrodite claims Piper... which Piper finds rather horrifying... barbie doll mom and bitchy siblings... life is good...not

Piper Woke up and immediately grabbed a mirror. There were plenty of those in the Aphrodite cabin. 

She sat on her bunk, looked at her reflection and groaned.

She was still gorgeous.

We find out ho Jason's godly parent is ... and there comes a new quest YAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!

“Child of lightning, beware the earth, 

The giants’ revenge the seven shall birth, 

The forge and dove shall break the cage, 

And death unleash through Hera’s rage.”

Leo gets on the quest by repairing psycho dragon and the reason he can do that is that he has a bit of a fire problem... he busts out in flames from time to time.

"You named him Festus? You know that in Latin, ‘festus’ means ‘happy’? You want us to ride off to save the world on Happy the Dragon?” 

“That’s a yes, bro!” Leo said. 

Well and of they go, first to Boreas god of the North wind, there they meet Khione the Ice Princess

They don't get killed, yayy

They get goin' to on there way to Chicago... but they crash land in Detroit in an abandoned car warehouse... or something.

Festus crash lands on a  line of Porta-Potties toilets just behind the giant warehouse.

She might look cute
but she is EVIL!!!

There "Dirt lady" talks to Leo... she is the reason his mother died...

And he dumps a toilet on her face...o_ 0!?

And the warehouse turns out to be evil cyclops lair... not good.

Jason gets knocked out, Piper gets captured and Leo saves the day.

Leo goes all machine type hero makes it do stuff... like smash cyclops to dust... oh and he burns.

Next stop Chicago to an evil shopping center, there is a lot of crazy stuff like poisons and old armor and forget potions and remember potions and generally stuff like that.

Oh, she also sells long lost friends 

"Um, right. Actually, Your Highness …” He pointed to the gilded cage on the first floor. “That’s our friend down there, Gleeson Hedge. The satyr. Could we … have him back, please?"

Well it ends up with the boys almost killing each other but Piper charm speaking them out of it. 

The whole thing explodes... KABOOM

And King Midas is up next, he turns Piper and Leo to gold and Jason fights Midas's son Lit (short for Lityerses), they escape and end at Pikes Peak, Colorado where Aeolus’s floating palace should be anchored.

They meet the very first werewolf in the world Lycaon and his pack of not so friendly wolves... they almost get killed... but the last minute The Hunters come and save the lead by Thalia... did I mention she is Jason's long-lost sister... or he is her long-lost brother... whatever

They talk and we find out Jason/Thalia's mother was messed up... as in seriously fucked up. 

She gave Jason to Hera and told Thalia that he was dead... 

WTF happened to a loving and pie baking mother?!!?!??!?

They go to Aeolus castle and Leo accidentally spontaneously combusts and melts the bridge... and of course the god is MAAAAD, as in nutty, kooky, batty, psychotic, lunatic, mental, rabid, wacky.

They end up getting his personal assistant fired, almost get killed and generally causing mayhem.

They get whirled to California. They go to Mount Diablo slay a giant and save Pipers dad that has been captured... all in a couple of hours.

They go of to the wolf house to save Hera... There is a  battle an other giant, wolves and Frosty the princess... They save the world and all is well... more or les



Stars:
4.86

I love the new blood in the Percy Jackson universe.
Piper is the shit I love her anti-heartbreaking thing
Leo with his heart breaking story of life
but Jason can from time to time piss me the fuck off

1. Piper - Reyna thing
2. Memory loss (though not entirely his fault)
3. He is too perfect

Festus is awesome too I was really sad when he "died"

The gods going silent and Zeus being a paranoid ass doesn't help at all

What can you use this book for in real life:

Get your feelings out or the will end up boiling and you might try to for example stab your best friend

Don't let any one beat you out or break you spirit

If you got a bitch in your life, she fucks with you fuck back even worse.

There is a difference between being hot and beautiful. If you are hot your appearance is pretty, but if you are beautiful it is your soul.

Percy Jackson and the Titans Curse

"The Friday before winter break, my mom packed me an overnight bag and a few deadly weapons, and took me to a new boarding school."

You can already hear the action around the next page.

Well they come to Westover Hall that gets described as

"Westover Hall looked like an evil knight’s castle. It was all black stone, with towers and slit windows and a big set of wooden double doors."

The vice principal is an evil monster that works for Luke and The General... and of course he wants to kill them... Oh did I mention they where there to get a couple of Half bloods to Camp Half-Blood, Nico and Bianca DiAngelo.

"He looked like he wanted to  pitch us off the castle’s highest tower"

Well that mission goes to hell since Annabeth gets kidnapped, Bianca joins the hunt... A group of immortal 12-14 year olds that travel the world with Artemis and hunt... and they make an oat never to have a guy in there life... I would do it if not for that.

And Artemis leaves her hunt to find a monster that will destroy Olympus... nothing can go wrong right.

"You know what the monster is?’ I asked.
Artemis gripped her bow. ‘Let us pray I am wrong.’
‘Can goddesses pray?’ I asked, because I’d never really thought about that.
A flicker of a smile played across Artemis’s lips."

Well before she does that she calls her lovely brother Apollo god of the sun and music, that actually has the sun chariot... in the form of a red convertible Maserati Spyder... and a mini bus.

"‘Wow,’ Thalia muttered. ‘Apollo is hot.’
‘He’s the sun god,’ I said.
‘That’s not what I meant.’"

"‘Green grass breaks through snow. Artemis pleads for my help. I am so cool.’

That last line was only four syllables,’ Artemis said.
Apollo frowned. ‘Was it?’ 

‘Yes. What about I am so big-headed?’ 

‘No, no, that’s six syllables. Hmm. 

‘I’ve got it!’ Apollo announced. ‘I am so awesome. That’s five syllables!’"

Apollo gets Thalia to drive... which doesn't go that well since she torches a cute little town...  and she makes an emergency landing... in the middle of the lake at Camp Half-Blood.

"The bus bobbed to the surface along with a couple of capsized, half-melted canoes. 

‘Well,’ said Apollo with a brave smile. ‘You were right, my dear. You had everything under control! 

Let’s go see if we boiled anyone important, shall we?’"

 They come to the camp and Nico is his normal happy, way to enthusiastic self, and Grover becomes an stalker with cloves.

 "About three in the morning she came to the Big House and demanded to talk to Chiron. She looked really panicked.’‘Wait, how do you know this?’Grover blushed. ‘I was sort of camped outside the Artemis cabin.’‘What for?’‘Just to be, you know, near them.’‘You’re a stalker with hooves."

They have a "friendly" game of capture the flag... that ends with Thalia not talking to Percy, and the Oracle walking all the way down to the forest to give Zoë a prophecy.

Percy has to save an cow-serpent from an old fisher net on the bottom of the sea.
On his way back he finds Nico eavesdropping on Zoë and Bianca, and Nico asks him to look after Bianca an the quest to save Artemis...even when he was forbidden, since he is a boy... great observation Zoë.

He takes blackjack and flies all the way to Washington D.C. and there he learns how to grow zombie kittens  and evil fucking killer zombies...  that get his scent and since they can't get killed, he is pretty doomed.

And well the rest of the company is in the Smithsonian where they get attacked by the nemian lion... that has a impeccable defense... nothing can pierce it's skin, guess how Percy killed it... with astronaut food.

He becomes the fifth member of the quest.
After that they take a train to a little town you can't get away... a little Hotel California.
Well they get away on a giant pig, it takes them all the way to the desert where they meet Aphrodite , Ares and a giant metal robot that kills one of our brave heroes.

They get to the hoover dam, where they start a food war to escape the zombie warriors, that only Bianca can kill, no one really knows why.

"Let us find the dam snack bar,’ Zoë said. ‘We should eat while we can.’
Grover cracked a smile. ‘The dam snack bar?’
Zoë blinked. ‘Yes. What is funny?’
‘Nothing,’ Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. ‘I could use some dam French fries.’
Even Thalia smiled at that. ‘And I need to use the dam restroom.’
Maybe it was the fact that we were so tired and strung out emotionally, but I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoë just looked at us. ‘I do not understand.’"

But before escaping he meets Rachel Elizabeth Dare, that is a mortal... but she can see threw the Mist.

They reach San Francisco, and mount Tamalpais, where the 4 hesperides  live... Zoe's sisters...


Stars: 9.87 stars
I don't really know why I simply can't get myself to give it five star


What can you use this book for in real life;
Always follow your heart... 

Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters

The second book in the Percy Jackson series started like this "My Best Friend Shops for a Wedding Dress"  already laughing my ass off... Seriously it only get better the farther you get in, the more hilarious. 

Grover is in trouble, the camp is in trouble and Percy gets a half-brother Tyson... only difference, other than of course the fact that they have different mothers... is that  he is a cyclops, a cute scared of everything cyclops.

Grover has been kidnapped by an almost blind, old, evil mother fucking cyclops... you can kind of see why Annabeth doesn't trust Tyson to begin with... oh and by the way his name Polyphemus.                                                                                                                                                                                        The camp has problems since Thalia's tree has been poisoned... Oh and Thalia's story is kind of important so here is the short version:                                                                                           Thalia was the daughter of Zeus... she shouldn't exit. Well... a satyr was sent to protect her and only her,  but she had found 2 other demigods, that she wouldn't leave behind so he took also them on the journey to camp half blood... but he takes a couple of wrong turns... one into the lair of an evil cyclops... and that is not good with all the worst monsters from tartarus wanting to kill you. It all ended at half blood hill where she stood alone fighting... and of course she dies.

Well... it turns out the cyclops that has kidnapped Grover... and wants to marry him... has The Golden Fleece... on an island that no one knows the position of other than a couple of old taxi drivers, it is in the middle of the Sea of Monsters or as we mere mortal call it The Bermuda Triangle.

"He’s only giving me two weeks to finish the bridal train, and he’s getting impatient!’
‘Wait a minute. This Cyclops thinks you’re –’
‘Yes!’ Grover wailed. ‘He thinks I’m a lady Cyclops and he wants to marry me!’"

Oh... they fired Chiron... cause someone has to take the blame, right, so why not the awesome guy. So there is this new guy Tantalus.. and he is an evil bastard, hates everyone, special kids, the gods... oh and did I mention he hates kids.

Well they tell Tantalus about The Fleece is and the coordinates the Gray Sisters gave them: 30, 31, 75, 12
And of course since Tantalus has an especial hate just for Percy and Annabeth, he gives the quest to Clarisse... and of course Percy, Annabeth and Tyson sneak of too  save Grover and the camp... with a little persuasion from Hermes.

"My dear young cousin, if there’s one thing
 I’ve learned over the aeons,
it’s that you can’t give up on your family,
no matter how tempting they make it.
It doesn’t matter if they hate you,
or embarrass you, or simply don’t appreciate your genius
for inventing the internet –’"

They board the zombie ship Princess Andromeda
and that goes ... well I wouldn't exactly call it bad,but defensively not good.
They meet Luke again and he has a golden sarcophagus where he is assembling "The Crocked" mostly known as worst father of all time... Kronos, Titan of the time... well can you guy see yourself fighting a guy that can control time.

And they get caught and almost get eaten... but Percy did his thing and they all escaped.

"So?’ I demanded. ‘What’s so special…’
Then it hit me, what might be inside the sarcophagus. The temperature in the room seemed to drop twenty degrees. ‘Whoa, you don’t mean –’
‘He is re-forming,’ Luke said. ‘Little by little, we’re calling his life force out of the pit. With every recruit who pledges our cause, another small piece appears –’
‘That’s disgusting!’ Annabeth said."

They go to one of Luke's, Thalia's and Annabeth's old hideouts... where they almost get killed by Monster Doughnuts... Don't ask... and take a ride with dead confederates on an old confederate boat.. with Clarisse, and Tantalus has expels them for all eternity, and Mr. D wants to turn them into squirrel and kill them with his car.

To get into the Sea of Monsters the have to go through either Charybdis  that sucks everything in the sea up and spits it out again or Scylla man eating thingy... guess what they choose... And well that ended with an exploding ship.

They float around in a rowboat for some time before coming to a lovely spa... in the middle of The Bermuda Triangle, ladies... not suspicious at all.

Well, Percy gets transformed to a rodent by the lovely Circe and Annabeth finds out what vitamins can do for you.

They find Polyphemus' island, and killer sheep...

Stars: 4.85 stars
Clarisse pisses me off so often, but she is also kind off funny.
And I seriously loved the idea about Grover wearing a wedding dress, imagine your best guy friend in a dress... or not that, now that i come to think about it is rather disturbing seeing a guy you know in a dress... YUK!!


What can you use this book for in real life:
Never enter The Bermuda Triangle.

Even how hard it is never give up on people you love.. especially trying to save them... maybe not from a cannibal cyclops, but maybe from self destruction with drugs or something like that



Sorry I just had no idea where to put this quote, but I thought it deserved it, so here it is

" Sweet dreams. Don't let me die!"

Percy Jackson and the lightning theif

This is a fantasy... including killer chihuahuas, monster teachers and talking zebras

"Of course the teachers want you medicated. Most of them are monsters."

We meet Percy at Yancy academy for troubled kids, he has dyslexia and ADHD, ... and his teacher tries to kill him, the problem... no one seems to remember her after that... like at all.

After getting kicked out of Yancy, he comes home to smelly Gabe and his mother Sally.

His mother and him are going to a weekend trip to Montauk, that gets cut short by Percy's best friend showing up and a Minotaur trying to kill them.

He comes to the Half Blood Camp, where he meets his extended family on his fathers side... And lets just say the gods have been busy.

He starts out in Cabin 11, he trains and eats together with 11.

Until a game of Capture the Flag goes a little overboard... Percy almost getting killed... twice, once by Ares kids, once by a giant monster. And of course the most absent father ever -Poseidon- claims Percy, so he can get on a quest to clean Poseidon's name... Lots of Love to you Poseidon "biggest asshole father in history".

So he goes on a quest with - The daughter of Athena- Annabeth, -The flying goat- Grover and a magic pen/sword to find the most dangerous weapon in the world, get across the entire US, not get killed by monsters and doing it all in 10 days... is it me or is that asking for a disaster, 3 kids in the wild alone with monsters and gods after them... ohm... no.

They go across the US, first in a bus... that blows up, then they meet the loving and charming Medusa... and after escaping a life as garden gnomes they take advice from a little fucking pink poodle (Seriously who was the idiot that had the idea to color their poodle!?!?!?!?).

“Percy, meet Gladiola. Gladiola, Percy."
I stared at Annabeth, figuring she'd crack up at this practical joke they were playing on me, but she looked deadly serious.
"I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle," I said. "Forget it."
"Percy," Annabeth said. "I said hello to the poodle. You say hello to the poodle." The poodle growled.
I said hello to the poodle.”

They take the train to St. Louis and cause havoc with a giant, fire breathing chihuahua.
They meet Ares in Denver where he sends them to an old amusement park... I can tell you, not much fun for them.
They take a ride in a humane zoo transport... well not that humane, they get all the way to Vegas before they cause the next disaster.
They get in to Lotus Hotel and Casino, where they stay a couple of hours... and come out five days later... figure that out.

" 'Los Angeles, please.’

‘That’s three hundred miles. For that, you gotta pay up front.’

‘You accept casino debit cards?’ Annabeth asked.

He shrugged. ‘Some of’ em. Same as credit cards. I gotta swipe ’em through, first.’

Annabeth handed him her green LotusCash card.

He looked at it sceptically.

‘Swipe it,’ Annabeth invited.

He did.

His meter machine started rattling. The lights flashed. Finally an infinity symbol came up next to the dollar sign.

He looked back at us, his eyes wide. ‘Where to in Los Angeles… uh, Your Highness?’

‘The Santa Monica pier.’ Annabeth sat up a little straighter. I could tell she liked the ‘Your Highness’ thing. ‘Get us there fast, and you can keep the change.’

Maybe she shouldn’t have told him that.

The cab’s speedometer never dipped below ninety-five the whole way through the Mojave Desert."

They get to Santa Monica and go to the beach where Percy meets a Nereid that give him his escape from Hell...

Stars: 5

I love it, it is fucking hilarious, Percy and the crew can say the weirdest things.

"How did you die?"

"We er.. drowned in a bathtub" 

"All three of you?" 

"It was a big bathtub"

And a love that even being a son of the "Big Three" he is treated normal, no special treatment for him... Hell Annabeth calls him Seaweed brain, for the love of the Gods.

What can you use this book for in real life:
Even if you think you are a loser, you might have the power to save the world.

Friends come the weirdest places... like a goat guy.
And keep away from chihuahuas they are evil...