Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters

The second book in the Percy Jackson series started like this "My Best Friend Shops for a Wedding Dress"  already laughing my ass off... Seriously it only get better the farther you get in, the more hilarious. 

Grover is in trouble, the camp is in trouble and Percy gets a half-brother Tyson... only difference, other than of course the fact that they have different mothers... is that  he is a cyclops, a cute scared of everything cyclops.

Grover has been kidnapped by an almost blind, old, evil mother fucking cyclops... you can kind of see why Annabeth doesn't trust Tyson to begin with... oh and by the way his name Polyphemus.                                                                                                                                                                                        The camp has problems since Thalia's tree has been poisoned... Oh and Thalia's story is kind of important so here is the short version:                                                                                           Thalia was the daughter of Zeus... she shouldn't exit. Well... a satyr was sent to protect her and only her,  but she had found 2 other demigods, that she wouldn't leave behind so he took also them on the journey to camp half blood... but he takes a couple of wrong turns... one into the lair of an evil cyclops... and that is not good with all the worst monsters from tartarus wanting to kill you. It all ended at half blood hill where she stood alone fighting... and of course she dies.

Well... it turns out the cyclops that has kidnapped Grover... and wants to marry him... has The Golden Fleece... on an island that no one knows the position of other than a couple of old taxi drivers, it is in the middle of the Sea of Monsters or as we mere mortal call it The Bermuda Triangle.

"He’s only giving me two weeks to finish the bridal train, and he’s getting impatient!’
‘Wait a minute. This Cyclops thinks you’re –’
‘Yes!’ Grover wailed. ‘He thinks I’m a lady Cyclops and he wants to marry me!’"

Oh... they fired Chiron... cause someone has to take the blame, right, so why not the awesome guy. So there is this new guy Tantalus.. and he is an evil bastard, hates everyone, special kids, the gods... oh and did I mention he hates kids.

Well they tell Tantalus about The Fleece is and the coordinates the Gray Sisters gave them: 30, 31, 75, 12
And of course since Tantalus has an especial hate just for Percy and Annabeth, he gives the quest to Clarisse... and of course Percy, Annabeth and Tyson sneak of too  save Grover and the camp... with a little persuasion from Hermes.

"My dear young cousin, if there’s one thing
 I’ve learned over the aeons,
it’s that you can’t give up on your family,
no matter how tempting they make it.
It doesn’t matter if they hate you,
or embarrass you, or simply don’t appreciate your genius
for inventing the internet –’"

They board the zombie ship Princess Andromeda
and that goes ... well I wouldn't exactly call it bad,but defensively not good.
They meet Luke again and he has a golden sarcophagus where he is assembling "The Crocked" mostly known as worst father of all time... Kronos, Titan of the time... well can you guy see yourself fighting a guy that can control time.

And they get caught and almost get eaten... but Percy did his thing and they all escaped.

"So?’ I demanded. ‘What’s so special…’
Then it hit me, what might be inside the sarcophagus. The temperature in the room seemed to drop twenty degrees. ‘Whoa, you don’t mean –’
‘He is re-forming,’ Luke said. ‘Little by little, we’re calling his life force out of the pit. With every recruit who pledges our cause, another small piece appears –’
‘That’s disgusting!’ Annabeth said."

They go to one of Luke's, Thalia's and Annabeth's old hideouts... where they almost get killed by Monster Doughnuts... Don't ask... and take a ride with dead confederates on an old confederate boat.. with Clarisse, and Tantalus has expels them for all eternity, and Mr. D wants to turn them into squirrel and kill them with his car.

To get into the Sea of Monsters the have to go through either Charybdis  that sucks everything in the sea up and spits it out again or Scylla man eating thingy... guess what they choose... And well that ended with an exploding ship.

They float around in a rowboat for some time before coming to a lovely spa... in the middle of The Bermuda Triangle, ladies... not suspicious at all.

Well, Percy gets transformed to a rodent by the lovely Circe and Annabeth finds out what vitamins can do for you.

They find Polyphemus' island, and killer sheep...

Stars: 4.85 stars
Clarisse pisses me off so often, but she is also kind off funny.
And I seriously loved the idea about Grover wearing a wedding dress, imagine your best guy friend in a dress... or not that, now that i come to think about it is rather disturbing seeing a guy you know in a dress... YUK!!


What can you use this book for in real life:
Never enter The Bermuda Triangle.

Even how hard it is never give up on people you love.. especially trying to save them... maybe not from a cannibal cyclops, but maybe from self destruction with drugs or something like that



Sorry I just had no idea where to put this quote, but I thought it deserved it, so here it is

" Sweet dreams. Don't let me die!"

Percy Jackson and the lightning theif

This is a fantasy... including killer chihuahuas, monster teachers and talking zebras

"Of course the teachers want you medicated. Most of them are monsters."

We meet Percy at Yancy academy for troubled kids, he has dyslexia and ADHD, ... and his teacher tries to kill him, the problem... no one seems to remember her after that... like at all.

After getting kicked out of Yancy, he comes home to smelly Gabe and his mother Sally.

His mother and him are going to a weekend trip to Montauk, that gets cut short by Percy's best friend showing up and a Minotaur trying to kill them.

He comes to the Half Blood Camp, where he meets his extended family on his fathers side... And lets just say the gods have been busy.

He starts out in Cabin 11, he trains and eats together with 11.

Until a game of Capture the Flag goes a little overboard... Percy almost getting killed... twice, once by Ares kids, once by a giant monster. And of course the most absent father ever -Poseidon- claims Percy, so he can get on a quest to clean Poseidon's name... Lots of Love to you Poseidon "biggest asshole father in history".

So he goes on a quest with - The daughter of Athena- Annabeth, -The flying goat- Grover and a magic pen/sword to find the most dangerous weapon in the world, get across the entire US, not get killed by monsters and doing it all in 10 days... is it me or is that asking for a disaster, 3 kids in the wild alone with monsters and gods after them... ohm... no.

They go across the US, first in a bus... that blows up, then they meet the loving and charming Medusa... and after escaping a life as garden gnomes they take advice from a little fucking pink poodle (Seriously who was the idiot that had the idea to color their poodle!?!?!?!?).

“Percy, meet Gladiola. Gladiola, Percy."
I stared at Annabeth, figuring she'd crack up at this practical joke they were playing on me, but she looked deadly serious.
"I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle," I said. "Forget it."
"Percy," Annabeth said. "I said hello to the poodle. You say hello to the poodle." The poodle growled.
I said hello to the poodle.”

They take the train to St. Louis and cause havoc with a giant, fire breathing chihuahua.
They meet Ares in Denver where he sends them to an old amusement park... I can tell you, not much fun for them.
They take a ride in a humane zoo transport... well not that humane, they get all the way to Vegas before they cause the next disaster.
They get in to Lotus Hotel and Casino, where they stay a couple of hours... and come out five days later... figure that out.

" 'Los Angeles, please.’

‘That’s three hundred miles. For that, you gotta pay up front.’

‘You accept casino debit cards?’ Annabeth asked.

He shrugged. ‘Some of’ em. Same as credit cards. I gotta swipe ’em through, first.’

Annabeth handed him her green LotusCash card.

He looked at it sceptically.

‘Swipe it,’ Annabeth invited.

He did.

His meter machine started rattling. The lights flashed. Finally an infinity symbol came up next to the dollar sign.

He looked back at us, his eyes wide. ‘Where to in Los Angeles… uh, Your Highness?’

‘The Santa Monica pier.’ Annabeth sat up a little straighter. I could tell she liked the ‘Your Highness’ thing. ‘Get us there fast, and you can keep the change.’

Maybe she shouldn’t have told him that.

The cab’s speedometer never dipped below ninety-five the whole way through the Mojave Desert."

They get to Santa Monica and go to the beach where Percy meets a Nereid that give him his escape from Hell...

Stars: 5

I love it, it is fucking hilarious, Percy and the crew can say the weirdest things.

"How did you die?"

"We er.. drowned in a bathtub" 

"All three of you?" 

"It was a big bathtub"

And a love that even being a son of the "Big Three" he is treated normal, no special treatment for him... Hell Annabeth calls him Seaweed brain, for the love of the Gods.

What can you use this book for in real life:
Even if you think you are a loser, you might have the power to save the world.

Friends come the weirdest places... like a goat guy.
And keep away from chihuahuas they are evil...

Fifty Shades of Grey

Have you ever been like "This sounds like a good book" and the been terrifically disappointed.
Well, this was worse it was like the book decided to take a knife and stab me in the heart until it was a mushy mass and then cut my throat open.

Serious it was that bad,
The dialog: Shit,

The sex: It kind of made me wanna puke, and it was a little to much like rape,

Ana: Really... a virgin until 22 meets Mr. Grey once and wants to have sex with him, no matter how kinky it is... WTF?? and oh, she forgets her safe word "Red" that is the only way she can have a little control over her body while having sex... Again WTF???

and of course Mr. Grey: No personalty other than he likes BDSM, and that he doesn't sleep with people, doesn't like being touched and doesn't make love but "fuck"... Really good taste in men Ana.


This book had so many chances of being great, but it simply failed miserably time and time again.

When i was like in the middle of it my only thought "I can't do this any more", but I had to finish it cause i promised my best friend, which was the only thing that held me from feeding the book to my dog,and then after it had been torn to pieces I would set it fire and then throw the ashes in the ocean.

when i got to the end i was like this

Synopsis:

Anastasia has to interview Mr. Grey, which doesn't end that well since she practically gets kicked out after asking if he is gay.

They see each other again when she is drunk out of her mind and drunk dialed him.

They go on a date where they take a ride in his helicopter, go to his place and eat, and see "The red room of pain", then he finds out she is a virgin and go back on his ", I don’t make love. I fuck… hard" and makes love to her and then we go with the normal love story just a lot more kinky and not nearly as lovely. It ends with her crying in her bed at her apartment after a long night including spanking, deciding to leave Christian, admitting she loves him and him saying that she can’t love him; that it is wrong and that he can’t make her happy. and her leaving him and giving him every thing back, and getting the money from her beetle.

Stars: 1 lonely, miserable, kinky star.
The writing is bad, the characters are one dimensional, the only good thing about this book is Kate and Elliot's thing which almost hear nothing about and both Christians and Anastasia's families 


What can you use this book for in real life: Nothing really, maybe as door stop or as a weapon... I simply have no idea what this book is good for, sorry E.L. James