Percy Jackson and the lightning theif

This is a fantasy... including killer chihuahuas, monster teachers and talking zebras

"Of course the teachers want you medicated. Most of them are monsters."

We meet Percy at Yancy academy for troubled kids, he has dyslexia and ADHD, ... and his teacher tries to kill him, the problem... no one seems to remember her after that... like at all.

After getting kicked out of Yancy, he comes home to smelly Gabe and his mother Sally.

His mother and him are going to a weekend trip to Montauk, that gets cut short by Percy's best friend showing up and a Minotaur trying to kill them.

He comes to the Half Blood Camp, where he meets his extended family on his fathers side... And lets just say the gods have been busy.

He starts out in Cabin 11, he trains and eats together with 11.

Until a game of Capture the Flag goes a little overboard... Percy almost getting killed... twice, once by Ares kids, once by a giant monster. And of course the most absent father ever -Poseidon- claims Percy, so he can get on a quest to clean Poseidon's name... Lots of Love to you Poseidon "biggest asshole father in history".

So he goes on a quest with - The daughter of Athena- Annabeth, -The flying goat- Grover and a magic pen/sword to find the most dangerous weapon in the world, get across the entire US, not get killed by monsters and doing it all in 10 days... is it me or is that asking for a disaster, 3 kids in the wild alone with monsters and gods after them... ohm... no.

They go across the US, first in a bus... that blows up, then they meet the loving and charming Medusa... and after escaping a life as garden gnomes they take advice from a little fucking pink poodle (Seriously who was the idiot that had the idea to color their poodle!?!?!?!?).

“Percy, meet Gladiola. Gladiola, Percy."
I stared at Annabeth, figuring she'd crack up at this practical joke they were playing on me, but she looked deadly serious.
"I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle," I said. "Forget it."
"Percy," Annabeth said. "I said hello to the poodle. You say hello to the poodle." The poodle growled.
I said hello to the poodle.”

They take the train to St. Louis and cause havoc with a giant, fire breathing chihuahua.
They meet Ares in Denver where he sends them to an old amusement park... I can tell you, not much fun for them.
They take a ride in a humane zoo transport... well not that humane, they get all the way to Vegas before they cause the next disaster.
They get in to Lotus Hotel and Casino, where they stay a couple of hours... and come out five days later... figure that out.

" 'Los Angeles, please.’

‘That’s three hundred miles. For that, you gotta pay up front.’

‘You accept casino debit cards?’ Annabeth asked.

He shrugged. ‘Some of’ em. Same as credit cards. I gotta swipe ’em through, first.’

Annabeth handed him her green LotusCash card.

He looked at it sceptically.

‘Swipe it,’ Annabeth invited.

He did.

His meter machine started rattling. The lights flashed. Finally an infinity symbol came up next to the dollar sign.

He looked back at us, his eyes wide. ‘Where to in Los Angeles… uh, Your Highness?’

‘The Santa Monica pier.’ Annabeth sat up a little straighter. I could tell she liked the ‘Your Highness’ thing. ‘Get us there fast, and you can keep the change.’

Maybe she shouldn’t have told him that.

The cab’s speedometer never dipped below ninety-five the whole way through the Mojave Desert."

They get to Santa Monica and go to the beach where Percy meets a Nereid that give him his escape from Hell...

Stars: 5

I love it, it is fucking hilarious, Percy and the crew can say the weirdest things.

"How did you die?"

"We er.. drowned in a bathtub" 

"All three of you?" 

"It was a big bathtub"

And a love that even being a son of the "Big Three" he is treated normal, no special treatment for him... Hell Annabeth calls him Seaweed brain, for the love of the Gods.

What can you use this book for in real life:
Even if you think you are a loser, you might have the power to save the world.

Friends come the weirdest places... like a goat guy.
And keep away from chihuahuas they are evil...