Rock Chick

India Savage mostly known as Indy has a tiny tiny problem with an employ  from her used bookstore/coffee store... he has a million in fucking stolen fucking diamonds.

Rosie her barista has a small side businesses including a smaller jungle of freaking pot... well, these guys that gave him diamonds wanted him to keep them for a time... but they have stolen them from some bad ass crime dude. The crime dudes goons come and want the diamonds back... and they have guns, so of course Indy has to mouth of. 

She calls her best friend Ally if there is someplace she can crash, and there is... at her brother Lee's place... only trouble the last 10 years Indy has been trying to avoid him like the plague, since she from 5-20 had a major crush on him... and at 20 he told her she was like a sister for him... so that broke her heart and she wants as little possible contact with him.
Ally says Lee isn't supposed to be home for a looooong time, but he turns up at night, tapes Rosie up and wakes Indy up.
The next morning Lee tells Indy that in payment for him helping her sort Rosie's shit out... she has to sleep with him... totally his little sister.

Well, after some kissing, Ally and Kitty Sue (Ally, Lee and Hank's mother) come over and Rosie has escaped.

And since Indy does not want to sleep with Lee, she does her best to find Rosie herself.

“Lee and I have a bet, the kind of bet I don’t wanna lose.” 

It wasn’t a total lie. If Lee found Rosie, I would lose a lot, peace of mind, my grip on reality, things like that.

First time it goes wrong is when she and Ally are having a stake out at Rosie's place Indy gets fucking stun gunned, kidnapped, hit in the face by a big guy and a young and really version of grandpa freaking Munster gets the hots for her... yuck yuck yuck

“It was nice to meet you,” Wilcox said calmly
I looked over my shoulder and said (perhapsfeeling a bit tougher now that Scary Lee was with me). “The pleasure was all yours.”

Next morning Lee and Indy have a heavy make out session on the border to sex... when the buzzer goes three quick and then a long beep -  emergency code
He leaves and here we go for yet another escapade to find Rosie.

 Lee has put one of his guys on Indy duty, Indy sees him and starts flirting, that ends with Lee calling her and telling her to leave the dude alone, telling her Fortnum's is wired, though under the thread that she will move to Venezuela.

She gets pissed - cause who wouldn't.
She and Ally (and Matt) go door to door and after that they go to visit "The Kevster" one of Rosie's emergency contacts, through no luck.

After that they meet Tex a guy that looks like Grizzly Adams, but the serial killer version. He was also carrying a shotgun and had some kind of freaky-ass goggle apparatus on the top of his head.

That night she decides to firstly stand Lee up on a date, then she breaks in at Tim's (another one of Rosie's (very few) friends) and Tex got the same idea and helps, inside they find something freaking gross... dead body

“I did the breakin’ and the enterin’ for both of us. After I did the breakin’, I threw her through the window,” Tex offered this information and Lee’s eyes cut to Tex.

“I’m sorry?” Lee asked and his voice was scary. 

Tex seemed not to notice it. “She was gettin’ second thoughts

They go back to Lee's condo have a smaller rip roaring fight where Indy decides to not go looking for Rosie anymore since - oh right she saw a fucking dead body.

He leaves... with her cuffed to the bed.

The next morning they almost make love, that comes to a halt when Indy wants to talk about if they fuck it up.
He gets pissed and kicks her out and then she gets pissed starts
yelling and Lee gets unpissed and they start gettin' it on again... and again they have to stop the happy activities, this time cause the doorbell "Urgent Code".
Indy's friend Andrea calls and talks about Lee's reputation.

Hank, Matt and another of Lee's men Bobby are there about the B&E though not knowing Indy was a part of it.
It turns out there was blood on the scene. Lee makes sure it isn't Indy's he makes her take her clothe off to check her.

“Was that really necessary?” I snapped.

He smiled The Smile, pleased with himself.

“Nope, but it was fun.”

And well it isn't her blood.

Later she takes time to reflect on everything while making macaroni salad... and Rosie shows up... with a gun, he shoots at Tod Indy's neighbor.

"We both didn’t want to leave you.” 

“So now you’re getting shot at, you’re gonna leave me?” 

“Girlie, I’m from Texas. We shoot at each other to say good morning. Now you’re getting shot at, we can’t go.”

She calls Lee and he comes over and a little later comes a gift from Terry "Grandpa Munster" Wilcox, it's a one thousand seven hundred fifty dollar dress. 

Well they go to the family barbecue... and walk in 15 minutes late. And Lee gets pissed at Indy cause she says that her father isn't on team Lee+Indy and that he hated all her boyfriends and that he would rather have her be with Hank, Lee's brother... maybe not the smartest move.
He leaves, someone knocks on the door... and Indy gets kidnapped... again.

She gets saved by Tex that throws a grenade inside (I think it's a smoke grenade).
The kidnappers shoot at them one of them (Rick  a.k.a. Pepper Shooter) nails Tex's shoulder. Indy being more or less traumatized by the incident she doesn't want to leave him like at all.

“Now you’re bein’ a girl,” Tex said. 

“Soon you’ll be slobberin’ on me. It’s just a shot to the shoulder. Shit,I’ve had worse than this.”

They go to the hospital where they get interviewed by the cops. Indy does also get an intimate relationship with her kneecaps while waiting for Tex's operation to be over.

Indy after thinking about something Lee said finds out he has been lying to her the whole time... Oh fuck, poor Lee. Indy ends it with him... as if.

She leaves to go to sleep in the couch, but of course Lee isn't gonna let that happen.
They get to he story telling/apologizing part of pissed of, and everything is fine in paradise.

Next morning Lee is off hunting - and not little furry creatures.

Fortnum's is supposed to be closed, but Duke opened it anyways and there is a Rosie riot, Indy goes to smooth it all out, she ends up making a story up about him going to El Salvador to building houses for the poor... out of mud... UUHHMM... What!?!?!?!?!

Something like this I guess

Well, after this bizarre speech Mr. & Mrs. Kumar show up also
with an almost mummy like person turning out to be Mr. Salim Mrs. Kumar's mother.

"...They were standing in front of Ally and I gave them a big thumbs up. In slow motion, old Mrs. Salim returned the gesture and I feared that her thumb would break off in a poof of dust like the zombie’s arm in Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video.."

And she gets a rescue call from the Kevster, a scary guy had been there, he is sure he will be back and he will die just like Tim.
So Indy being Indy goes there cause he doesn't like cops... It's a pot jungle, literally pot all over the place

"I turned and saw that The Kevster’s living room was filled with pot plants. 

Every surface was covered with plants, and that included the floor. 

There was a narrow path forged through the plants but other than that, it was wall-to-wall marijuana. It was a pot jungle."

Indy wants to move the pot to Rosie's place before calling the cops... Hank of course does not think that is a good idea, since him being a cop and all.

Just after the cops show they have to pick up Tex that got released from the hospital
They get him home and do cleaning thing, cat things and  a mix of both, when they leave Tex comes with cause he is a sad man (he is also crazy) and he needs a hobby... other than cats

“Listen man, I been on this block for twenty years without leavin’ except to go to the fuckin’ dentist when I had a toothache in 1998. I got off it last night and for the first time in years, I feel free.” 

They get to Indy's place and practically everybody is there. They go of to get pizza before Tod/Burgundy Rose (Tod's drag queen alter ego) show. So they all go to a gay bar including Tex, Lee and Hank... weeeell

“No one and I mean no one but Indy’s Hunk of Burning Love would be allowed to see me this way. You talk, you die.”  - Midway in Burgundy Rose transformation

Well in the middle of the show Tod gets Indy on scene and pepper Rick shows up and starts shooting to the place.
She is in a car with Ally and Tex when they see him escaping so they have the brilliant of having a high speed car chase.

They almost crash, but only almost Ally and Indy get in a shouting match after that is over the parents get there Malcolm (Nightingale dad) starts shouting at Ally and when he is done, her boyfriend Carl gets there and he starts shouting at her... definitely not Ally's night

Next morning there is a dead body on Fortnum's front door... a gift!?
The cops show up and Lee and of course Fortnums is closed,Indy goes to Tex's place and and Allt gives her a manicure.

And they talk about Indy+Lee. After manis and confessions of the heart she goes home and waters
Stevie's flowers.

I’m sorry about last night.”

“I’m not sure I forgive you, though Tod says you threw yourself on top of him to protect him from bullets so I guess I’m not so mad. Tod thought it was a blast. Says it reminded him of home.”

“The way Tod tells it, I don’t think I want to go to Texas.”

She goes to Lee's place and starts making his favorite food... but he never shows. Indy doesn't get angry though since she prepared for that since the work schedule isn't very nine-to-five. He finally comes home around midnight and they finally get down to business. After being done they start eating. but Lee being all macho man  goes for round two.

The next morning they get in an agreement that Indy can help with conditions - of course.
Indy finds out he read her diaries, so she gets pissed at him. And last but not least he gets her to move in by the weekend.

There is a crazy Italian dude, he turns out to be a  present from Terry, they sort it out by Tex being Tex.
After that situation is handled they go to Lee's office in LoDo she meets Dawn, Monty and Vance. She kinna flirts with Vance which pisses Lee of.

They keep on the quest to find Rosie...

Stars:
4.6 stars
It's hilarious alright, I love Tex he is so fucking crazy... he is just a nut job
And the fact it seems to be impossible for Indy to not get in trouble.
Lee is hot alright
But it's the Terry thing that kind of turns me off this book

What can you use this book for in real life:
Love is crazy and weird but somehow it works.

Long live mom'n'pop shops